Son's marriage is definitely a dream of every father, it was mine too and my son got married to a beautiful girl and they are happy together with 2 children.
Son's marriage is one of the most cherishable moment in a father's life. With lot of expectations and happiness that your little baby is now a grown up who is all set to take up family responsibilities. A happiness filled moment with lots of guests, visitors, good food, crackers, dancing, drinks & smiles all over.
But for every father , there are some changes you should definitely be prepared after your son's marriage. Some of them are listed below:
1. Set your son & daughter-in-law free:
You might think that I never held them with a lot of restrictions. No I didn't mean that. What I meant was, now your son needs to be a MAN. He is responsible for a family and a girl has trusted him and come to his life. Most of the fathers feel that they should protect their son & help them to live and they insist them to live life together. THIS IS THE BIG MISTAKE THEY DO. You should always protect your son, you should always be there for him but to the extent possible make sure that your son & daughter-in-law is living a separate life at a separate place.
There are reasons why I say this, primarily because your son should learn to live life independantly. He should learn to manage finances independantly, he should learn to manage a family independantly as you did. If you are together with him he would always be relaxed that if anything goes wrong Dad is always there. No -- This is a wrong attitude. This would not take him anywhere. One fine day if he realises that his Dad is not there with him he will just lose his balance & his life would be wrecked completely. So its better to ask him to live his life independantly without you & your wife i.e. his mother. You can always help him take a house but dont make him dependant. I suggest every couple should start life independantly, living different from parents, learning good things from them and making a succesfull married life.
2. Interferences might occur & can create indifferences
Remember, you & your wife and your son & his wife both are different families in itself now. Though you belong to same family but if you look at it in a microscopic way they are different. Both the familes / couples might be having different thoughts and there would definitely be a generation gap, this is what creates INDIFFERENCES. The difference in thought wave-length creates tensions. This starts with small issues like your children coming late, not like the food, not liking your way of living, not liking your habits and this would grow to a stage where there can be a permanent split. So its better to lead a different life from the day of your son's marriage. And you might agree with me that a relation with a distance is always a happy relation. Here you can be rest assured that both (yours & your son's) life is not mixed and none of you have to adjust with each other. No interferences & No arguments - Life happy. There might be issues with your son & his wife but let them sort it out between themselves, that is the only way they will learn to live life. Because there is no life without problems. Separtions & living different are things that might hurt a bit at the initial stage but think about the long term. Long term happiness in the complete family is very important, not a big thing if you have to live differently as two families to be part of one BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
3. Never think that I can manage it.
After reading the above things you might think your family is not like that & you can manage it, my word would be a big NO. Please dont try to do that, doing that would create a lot of issues that would lead to disrespect of everybody and it will ultimatey result in an inefficient son who cannot manage things on his own. It's your responsibility to make him responsible.
I think I am much older than most of you reading this blog as on today I am in my 77th year, so I have my own experiences & a lot of other people's experience. Luckily my father started this culture of living separately and I followed it. We are a very happy family now. We meet once ina a week or once in a month, spend some good time together and move ahead to live our own independant life. Me & my wife are very happy that our son is leading a happy family life and happy as he has become responsible towards life. He understands his priority & acts accordingly. Lastly, never expect that your children will help, save enough for your old age. My son does help and if your son helps then you are lucky, but dont expect. I have seen people who depend on son and gets devasted.
Once your son is self dependant and started his life, its your time to enjoy. Go on vacations with your wife and enjoy life. You have worked hard to bring your son to this stage and now you shouldn't bother -- Let him live his life. Now its his time to think of responsibilities and for you its party time. You and your wife might have done a lot , sacrificed a lot but its not needed anymore -- Realise your dreams as they say -- ITS BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
I say it again, be the best protector of your son, best teacher of your son & best guardian - but don't make him IRRESPONSIBLE. Life is a beautiful journey let him walk through it on his own. You have to help him to stand, which I am sure all of you have did, now let him walk and achieve the rest. If something goes wrong he will definitely come to you & you should help but don't make him handicapped by being with him always.
Son's marriage is one of the most cherishable moment in a father's life. With lot of expectations and happiness that your little baby is now a grown up who is all set to take up family responsibilities. A happiness filled moment with lots of guests, visitors, good food, crackers, dancing, drinks & smiles all over.
But for every father , there are some changes you should definitely be prepared after your son's marriage. Some of them are listed below:
1. Set your son & daughter-in-law free:
You might think that I never held them with a lot of restrictions. No I didn't mean that. What I meant was, now your son needs to be a MAN. He is responsible for a family and a girl has trusted him and come to his life. Most of the fathers feel that they should protect their son & help them to live and they insist them to live life together. THIS IS THE BIG MISTAKE THEY DO. You should always protect your son, you should always be there for him but to the extent possible make sure that your son & daughter-in-law is living a separate life at a separate place.
There are reasons why I say this, primarily because your son should learn to live life independantly. He should learn to manage finances independantly, he should learn to manage a family independantly as you did. If you are together with him he would always be relaxed that if anything goes wrong Dad is always there. No -- This is a wrong attitude. This would not take him anywhere. One fine day if he realises that his Dad is not there with him he will just lose his balance & his life would be wrecked completely. So its better to ask him to live his life independantly without you & your wife i.e. his mother. You can always help him take a house but dont make him dependant. I suggest every couple should start life independantly, living different from parents, learning good things from them and making a succesfull married life.
2. Interferences might occur & can create indifferences
Remember, you & your wife and your son & his wife both are different families in itself now. Though you belong to same family but if you look at it in a microscopic way they are different. Both the familes / couples might be having different thoughts and there would definitely be a generation gap, this is what creates INDIFFERENCES. The difference in thought wave-length creates tensions. This starts with small issues like your children coming late, not like the food, not liking your way of living, not liking your habits and this would grow to a stage where there can be a permanent split. So its better to lead a different life from the day of your son's marriage. And you might agree with me that a relation with a distance is always a happy relation. Here you can be rest assured that both (yours & your son's) life is not mixed and none of you have to adjust with each other. No interferences & No arguments - Life happy. There might be issues with your son & his wife but let them sort it out between themselves, that is the only way they will learn to live life. Because there is no life without problems. Separtions & living different are things that might hurt a bit at the initial stage but think about the long term. Long term happiness in the complete family is very important, not a big thing if you have to live differently as two families to be part of one BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
3. Never think that I can manage it.
After reading the above things you might think your family is not like that & you can manage it, my word would be a big NO. Please dont try to do that, doing that would create a lot of issues that would lead to disrespect of everybody and it will ultimatey result in an inefficient son who cannot manage things on his own. It's your responsibility to make him responsible.
I think I am much older than most of you reading this blog as on today I am in my 77th year, so I have my own experiences & a lot of other people's experience. Luckily my father started this culture of living separately and I followed it. We are a very happy family now. We meet once ina a week or once in a month, spend some good time together and move ahead to live our own independant life. Me & my wife are very happy that our son is leading a happy family life and happy as he has become responsible towards life. He understands his priority & acts accordingly. Lastly, never expect that your children will help, save enough for your old age. My son does help and if your son helps then you are lucky, but dont expect. I have seen people who depend on son and gets devasted.
Once your son is self dependant and started his life, its your time to enjoy. Go on vacations with your wife and enjoy life. You have worked hard to bring your son to this stage and now you shouldn't bother -- Let him live his life. Now its his time to think of responsibilities and for you its party time. You and your wife might have done a lot , sacrificed a lot but its not needed anymore -- Realise your dreams as they say -- ITS BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
I say it again, be the best protector of your son, best teacher of your son & best guardian - but don't make him IRRESPONSIBLE. Life is a beautiful journey let him walk through it on his own. You have to help him to stand, which I am sure all of you have did, now let him walk and achieve the rest. If something goes wrong he will definitely come to you & you should help but don't make him handicapped by being with him always.
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