Father : Son Tips

Life after Son's marriage

2009-01-13T04:47:00.000-08:00

Son's marriage is definitely a dream of every father, it was mine too and my son got married to a beautiful girl and they are happy together with 2 children.

Son's marriage is one of the most cherishable moment in a father's life. With lot of expectations and happiness that your little baby is now a grown up who is all set to take up family responsibilities. A happiness filled moment with lots of guests, visitors, good food, crackers, dancing, drinks & smiles all over.

But for every father , there are some changes you should definitely be prepared after your son's marriage. Some of them are listed below:

1. Set your son & daughter-in-law free:

You might think that I never held them with a lot of restrictions. No I didn't mean that. What I meant was, now your son needs to be a MAN. He is responsible for a family and a girl has trusted him and come to his life. Most of the fathers feel that they should protect their son & help them to live and they insist them to live life together. THIS IS THE BIG MISTAKE THEY DO. You should always protect your son, you should always be there for him but to the extent possible make sure that your son & daughter-in-law is living a separate life at a separate place.

There are reasons why I say this, primarily because your son should learn to live life independantly. He should learn to manage finances independantly, he should learn to manage a family independantly as you did. If you are together with him he would always be relaxed that if anything goes wrong Dad is always there. No -- This is a wrong attitude. This would not take him anywhere. One fine day if he realises that his Dad is not there with him he will just lose his balance & his life would be wrecked completely. So its better to ask him to live his life independantly without you & your wife i.e. his mother. You can always help him take a house but dont make him dependant. I suggest every couple should start life independantly, living different from parents, learning good things from them and making a succesfull married life.

2. Interferences might occur & can create indifferences

Remember, you & your wife and your son & his wife both are different families in itself now. Though you belong to same family but if you look at it in a microscopic way they are different. Both the familes / couples might be having different thoughts and there would definitely be a generation gap, this is what creates INDIFFERENCES. The difference in thought wave-length creates tensions. This starts with small issues like your children coming late, not like the food, not liking your way of living, not liking your habits and this would grow to a stage where there can be a permanent split. So its better to lead a different life from the day of your son's marriage. And you might agree with me that a relation with a distance is always a happy relation. Here you can be rest assured that both (yours & your son's) life is not mixed and none of you have to adjust with each other. No interferences & No arguments - Life happy. There might be issues with your son & his wife but let them sort it out between themselves, that is the only way they will learn to live life. Because there is no life without problems. Separtions & living different are things that might hurt a bit at the initial stage but think about the long term. Long term happiness in the complete family is very important, not a big thing if you have to live differently as two families to be part of one BIG HAPPY FAMILY.

3. Never think that I can manage it.

After reading the above things you might think your family is not like that & you can manage it, my word would be a big NO. Please dont try to do that, doing that would create a lot of issues that would lead to disrespect of everybody and it will ultimatey result in an inefficient son who cannot manage things on his own. It's your responsibility to make him responsible.

I think I am much older than most of you reading this blog as on today I am in my 77th year, so I have my own experiences & a lot of other people's experience. Luckily my father started this culture of living separately and I followed it. We are a very happy family now. We meet once ina a week or once in a month, spend some good time together and move ahead to live our own independant life. Me & my wife are very happy that our son is leading a happy family life and happy as he has become responsible towards life. He understands his priority & acts accordingly. Lastly, never expect that your children will help, save enough for your old age. My son does help and if your son helps then you are lucky, but dont expect. I have seen people who depend on son and gets devasted.

Once your son is self dependant and started his life, its your time to enjoy. Go on vacations with your wife and enjoy life. You have worked hard to bring your son to this stage and now you shouldn't bother -- Let him live his life. Now its his time to think of responsibilities and for you its party time. You and your wife might have done a lot , sacrificed a lot but its not needed anymore -- Realise your dreams as they say -- ITS BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

I say it again, be the best protector of your son, best teacher of your son & best guardian - but don't make him IRRESPONSIBLE. Life is a beautiful journey let him walk through it on his own. You have to help him to stand, which I am sure all of you have did, now let him walk and achieve the rest. If something goes wrong he will definitely come to you & you should help but don't make him handicapped by being with him always.

For smoking Dads

2008-12-22T01:11:00.000-08:00

This post is typically for fathers who are chain smokers and cant even resist smoking at home.

Smoking is highly addictive I say this because even I am addicted. There are some basic rules / self discipline to be followed that would help yourselves improve your self respect and would gain others respect too.

Tips for smokers:

First and very important rule - NEVER EVER SMOKE IN FRONT OF LADIES - This could be anybody your daughter, your friends (female), your daughter-in-law, your wife (If she doesnt like it), your mother or any other female. Females are very allergic to smoke and get irritated / uncomfortable when you smoke. The smoke definitely creates congestion & suffocation and people (women especially) get restless in such environments. This should be followed as a rule of thumb. Following this would mean that you definitely respect women and that you are a decent person. This habit would always be appreciated by your family as well as friends.
Avoid smoking at your residence. House cannot be a home until and unless you strive to make it. Every member of your family come here to relax and relieve the day-long stress, if you practice smoking at your home then this would add to the stress they undergo during the day. They would feel uncomfortable and try to be away from you and smoking at home results in continuous pungent smell gets created and effects each and every visitor to your house which creates a worst impression. If you are very addicted to smoking and can't resist, then be sure you are smoking at an open space, either a balcony or an open terrace (if you have one at your house). You should definitely follow this if you have daughters / daughter-in-law at your house or even younger boys. They will never ever disclose their discomfort as they love you and might feel that you may feel bad if they tell it directly. So you are responsible for giving that love back to them. Earning household income is not sufficient but you are the only one responsible for making your house a beautiful place to live. Your famile members love you so you should definitely give more than that by making them comfortable by making the living area smokefree and comfortable. This habit kills you slowly and also your family members. Your wife & children could be tolerating but that doesn't mean you should take everything for granted. Its your right to live as you wish at a place which you have bought but by smoking at home you are not living but dieing and that too not alone but along with your family. If you observe closely, you restrict yourselves from smoking at banned places like offices / public places, this is because there is a mandatory clause to it. So if you can follow these rules then definitely you should create a rule for yourselves that would act against smoking at home. This might be tough if you are used to smoking at frequent intervals but you should also think of other who are residing with you. As explained above you can smoke at open places within your house.
Never smoke in front of your children. Children, especially boys, tend to make their father as a role model and they love to do everything that his father does. So smoking in front of them would definitely create an impression that smoking is a man's job which in reality isn't. Smoking is always bad, but if you are addicted then make sure you are not smoking in fornt of your children.
Never smoke in confined spaces. Smoking in confined spaces would make the environment uncomfortable and create suffocation among others within the space.

Above are some of the tips for smokers, follow this and your are definiteky going to make your house and surroundings a better place to live.

One last tip to all smokers out there "Stop Smoking"

Father Son Relationship | Child - Father relationship

2008-11-17T01:14:00.000-08:00

The below article by Wendy Pan puts a detailed insight to father's responsibility in bringing up a child. Read on and get few tips for becomng a good, responsible father.

Child Father Relationship - Strong Family Bonds Are Important
By Wendy Pan

The child father relationship is one that has been receiving progressively more attention over the last few decades. While traditional wisdom and research studies focused on mother child relationships as the most important, the recent research suggests the relationship between fathers and their children is significantly more important than previously believed.

The child father relationship is one that is fundamentally important to the developmental progress of a child. The impact that a father has on a child begins while the child is still a baby. The play that a father engages in, which tends to be more physical and spontaneous, contributes to healthy brain development in infants.
By the time infants grow into small children, the role of play that a father engages in with the child takes on broader meaning and value. At this stage, the play takes on the role of teaching children problem solving, exploring limits, and goal oriented behavior. This is also a stage when fathers begin to help children learn to limit emotional outbursts and develop empathy through emotional involvement and modeling the appropriate behaviors.

Fathers have a profound impact on their school age children. At this stage, fathers help their children to learn to assume responsibility, encourage taking on challenges, and help to direct moral development. The father may wield more power to help or hinder their child at this point of development than any other.
The child father relationship changes during adolescence. The role of the father at this point is more passive than in previous times during the aging process of their children. Rather than engaging in teaching roles, or encouraging skill development, the father takes on a more advisory role. His task, as it were, is to be more an adviser and friend. The child will be more focused on the mother child relationship but still seek out the father for advice or reassurance about decision making, advice about managing personalities in their lives, and for simple time spent together.

The absence of a father can be a profound problem. In the lives of children who had absent fathers they tend to be more prone to be unable to form healthy, emotionally intimate relationships with their peers. There is significantly greater risk of drug abuse, smoking, alcohol abuse and other risk-seeking behaviors. There also tends to be problems managing social situations requiring empathy. Over their educational careers, children with poor or non-existent relationships with their fathers tended to have worse academic achievement than their peers with positive relationships with their fathers.

The effects of the child father relationship reaches far into adulthood. Those with positive relationships with their fathers tend to be more likely to be in intimate relationships and have fewer problems developing healthy, physically intimate relationships. Those with poor relationships with their fathers tend to be less likely to be involved in relationships, have more difficulty maintaining them, and demonstrate significantly more trouble in adapting to changing social circumstances.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche website developer and author.
To learn more about child father relationship, please visit You & Your Child's Relationship Today for current articles and discussions.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wendy_Pan

A father's perspective

2008-11-10T02:42:00.000-08:00

Father, a relation that bought you into existence. I intend to write few incidents which might be common to everybody. Common things that creates a gap between a father & son and common solutions that can solve petty issues that might seem to be a big problem.

Some of them are:
Generation Gap
Habits
Friend circle
Girl friend
... and many more.

Hope this blog would be useful for all fathers & sons

Keep reading
Thanks